Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The Morning After Pill - Week 9

What do the Morning After Pill and Carson Palmer's passes have in common? They have both been inconsistent and late recently.

Seriously, apologies to the MAP fans (both of you). I have been extremely busy working on a Masters Degree in B.S. Sadly, I can't test out of any courses by proving real-life experience, otherwise I'd be posting more faithfully and forwarding a Best of Morning After Pill to my professors.

So, in the true spirit of academia, here is some stuff written by someone else. Yes, our fearless blog leader, Wes, gives us his mid-season awards (Yes, I know it's already after week 9. He uses the same math to convince himself he has beaten me in fantasy football more often than the other way around).

Show's Mid-Season Awards:

MVP - P.Rivers - throws for chunks of yard and loads of td's with virtually no running game and a battered group of receivers.

Best RB - AP, Mendenhall and Foster, with apologies to AP, Foster has single handedly changed the way Houston runs it's once pass happy offense.

Best WR - Roddy White. honorable mention to Calvin Johnson.

Best Defense - Steelers

Best Rookie - Dez Bryant - this kid is going to be the next great play maker in this league if the Cowboys QB's can get him the ball.

Best Team - Steelers (yes, Wes wrote this, not Adam).

Biggest Disappointment - Ryan Matthews - I warned in the preseason not to draft a rook in the top 10...no one can project how a rook will fair year one...give me a vet like M. Turner every time.
M. Schaub - He has been ok, but not the stud so many drafted him to be.
B.Celek(not your fault bro, you have fallen victim to Mike Vick the TE killer).

Biggest Tease
- Wes Welker - started out like a house of fire and now is barely startable even in ppr leagues.

Biggest Surprise - Tampa Bay - youngest team in the league are winning with the old cover 2 defense and a solid core of talent (Freeman, M.Williams, L.Blount).

Worst Press Conference. Randy Moss paying homage to the Patriots while a member of the Vikings.

What were you thinking award - Brett Farve sending pictures of his junk to a some chic...yes Brett she is hot but come on man!

Dunkin Donut Sponsorship Award goes to Jamarcus Russell - pleasantly plump and looking like a lineman the former no.1 pick is now out of the league.

Home Depot Doin Work Award goes to A. Foster - the undrafted RB has revolutionized the way they run offense in Texas.

Kmart Blue Light Special - the Pats picked up 5'7" Danny Woodhead after he was canned by the Jets and he know is a big contributer to their offense.

Charitable Donation Award goes to the Minnesota Vikings for giving up a 3rd round pick to the Pats for Randy Moss then cutting him and ending up with nothing.

Best Halloween Costume this year goes to Mark Sanchez for continuing to make us all think he is a good NFL quarterback. Fooled me, started him last week vs the Lions, Doh!

Mr.Glass Award - Matt Stafford coming to a flag football league near you.

The I Want a Refund Award goes to all the Dallas Cowboy fans that overpaid to see a game at the Taj Ma Jones this season...gotta hand it to him..that tv is sweet, if only they showed a different game on there to distract me from John Kitna.

Most Overrated NFL Player - names like Mark Sanchez and Tony Romo come to mind but for all the talking that Chad Johnson(89), Ocho-Cinco does this guy has disappeared this season and has shown a piss poor work ethic in recent off seasons. T.O. takes alot of flack but the dude stays in incredible shape and though he doesn't go all out every play, he flat out produces and I will take him all day over 89.

The "Damn He Was Good" award goes to Kurt Warner - the only real change the Cards have made is at the QB position and after being a contender in the past couple years without Kurt this team is simply bad. More proof that this guy is most def a Hall of Famer.

Comeback Player of the Year award goes to Peyton Hillis - the white boy last seen in Denver playing goal line vulture has become a stud for the browns this season running well and catching a ton of balls out of the backfield and has been a surprise fantasy monster.

Most Improved Player Award - Darren McFadden - looks explosive and smart in his running style...this is what Raider nation expected when they drafted him a few years ago....they just expected it a little sooner. Honorable mention goes to L.McCoy who looks like a top 10 RB in Philly after seeming lost in that offense last year.

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Good stuff, Wes. So where to we go from here? Well, if you play like The Show, it's once again time to jockey for draft position in your keeper leagues. For the rest of us, let's apply this knowledge to getting ready for the playoffs.

So if you are a lock to get into the post-season, let's take a look at weeks 15 an 16.

If you have Schaub as a QB, you basically have this weekend to make a decision. If he does not have a MONSTER game against the Jaguar's suckendary, then it's time to cut bait. he plays Tennesee and Denver in the fantasy playoffs. Check the waiver wire for whatever QB you think Arizona will be starting at the end of the year. Arizona faces Carolina and Dallas those weeks. Cha-ching! Your opponents won't see you coming, and will either hail you as a fantasy genius or a lucky a-hole. Either way, winner-winner-chicken-dinner.

Speaking of the Cowboys, just start picking up any waiver wire trash that may be playing against them. Their offense is currently comprised of Cowboys Cheerleaders in pads, and the only pads the Defense is wearing are of the maxi variety.

By the time week 15 rolls around, the injured Steelers will have brought Dermonti Dawson out of retirement to center a line comprised of fat illegal aliens picked up at the 7-11. I love my Black and Gold, and they will find a way to win, but stock up on Jets and Panther IDP's. Can you say 5 assisted sacks per linebacker? (maybe split 3 ways since that's how many it takes to bring down Ben, but still).

Here's my fantasy playoff dark horse pick....drumroll...wait for it.....

Marshawn Lynch will tear it up weeks 15 and 16. He may be available in your league. Even if he doesn't put up Foster or AP numbers, he'll be one of the only healthy running backs left in the NFL, since he never has a chance to get hurt. He plays Atlanta and Tampa Bay. Good teams who give up lots of rushing yards are a perfect recipe for a heartbreaking Lynching.

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