Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Morning After Pill - Week 12

We can't be heading into week 13 already, can we? for many, this realization is a splash of ice cold water this morning that says, "Hey, you're going to miss the fantasy playoffs!" For me, it's a reminder that I wasted a good three months taking classes and trying to better my life when I could have been focusing on fantasy football.

But my classes are winding down, so I'm slowly getting my priorities straight. So here I am, the Pierre Thomas of blog writing, finally ready to contribute a few snaps, albeit this week I'll only be contributing at the Sidney Rice level until I shake the rust off.

So back to missing the playoffs. It happens. So does Matthew Stafford and the other S-word. You have two weeks (maybe only one) to get your excuses ready (since you are obviously not very good at getting your lineup ready).

So here you go:

The Top 10 Excuses for Missing the Fantasy Playoffs

10. I put my eggs in the Tony Romo, Ryan Matthews, Kenny Britt, Dallas Clark basket.

Yes, injuries happen, but that's what backups are for. Sadly, your backups were Vince Young, Beanie Wells, and Lee Evans.

9. Andre the Johnson snapped and went all “steel cage match” on my starters. Now they are on IR or suspended.

8. I was too busy to set my roster because UR MOM kept calling me.

I got that one from a 7th grader.

7. I forgot that for Redskins players, every week is a bye week.

6. I didn’t realize that no Kurt Warner meant no fantasy points for anyone in Arizona.

5. How many QB’s named “Smith” does San Fran have again?

I actually just won a game I shouldn't have because my opponent started Alex Smith. Neither of us noticed until it was too late. Who cares about the SF QB unless his name is Montana or Young?

4. I didn’t believe the hype about Arian Foster.

Consider that an, "IN YO Face!" to all the haters out there who are losing to me.

3. Yahoo kept making Wednesday stat corrections that turned my tight wins to losses. Plus, I scored the most points in my league, but every week my opponent had a career day. Now I’m 5-9.

True story. My excuse in one league. Not copyrighted. Use at your leisure.

2. I paid a fantasy site for its “season pass” insider info tips, and I believed things that Mike Shanahan said.

Short version: "I am a dumbass".

1. And the number one excuse... You know it's coming. Wait for it... Wait for it...

I tugged on Supermans cape.

I spit into the wind.

I something, blah, blah, yada yada

And I started my running backs against the Pittsburgh Steelers.

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