Friday, August 13, 2010

Mourning Coffee

Reason 4,536 we Fantasy Football junkies are complete nerds:

We care about Glen Coffee.

Perhaps this surprise retirement announcement is only a performance intended to increase his own stock in the buzz department, a strategy mastered by the great thespian Brett Favre (but originated by the legendary John Elway). Nonetheless, alas poor Glen, we hardly new you.

You waddled onto the scene as the 74th overall pick in the 2009 draft, sporting an impressive junior year season, Rolling Tide for 1383 rushing yards at 5.9 per attempt. Your training camp as a Forty-Niner looked promising, and you were the coveted Frank Gore handcuff, hoarded by millions of Gore owners and running back vultures in fantasy leagues everywhere.

You rode the pine in real life and in fantasy land. Yes, there was that game last year when you managed 74 yards against the impenetrable Rams, but beyond that, you were an afterthought.

But today! Oh today! Today I logged on to my favorite fantasy news site to see not less than six blurbs centering on your name! If you were a Steeler, you would have to play doctor with a cocktail waitress to pull that off! Don't get me started on what you could do as a Bengal. But you did it with class. You took the "Hey, I think I'm fixin' to retire," schtick to a whole new level. The priesthood! Slick, bro.

Now fantasy drafts from now until September will be tense with that 15th round question, "Dixon, or Robinson?" Oh, the beers and curses that will be pounded in your name! Well done, Father Coffee, well done.

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